Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Plagues of Egypt

Oh. Mah. Gad.

In the beginning (day before yesterday) the pinworms did descend upon the House and take lodging in the gut of one of the sons. The balm of Pin-Ex was unable to smite the enemy, so the suffering continued for a second night. We place our hopes in the balm of higher co-pay prescription vermicide, and its awesome power to slay all the generations of evil.

In the afternoon of the second day, a plague of lice rained down upon the heads of both the sons, and there was much dousing of the heads with Listerine, and a great gnashing of the nit combs, and furious blow-drying to smite them all, yea even unto the last egg among them.

In the evening of the second day, there was the great splinter, buried three or four cubits deep in the finger of one of the sons. After much moaning and wailing, and the application of the balm of numbing gel, the needle and tweezers were plied to great effect, and the spar was lifted from the finger.

At some point during the never-fucking-ending second day, one of the sons bashed his hard-shod foot into the big toe of the Mother, cracking a good third of the nail from the digit; and there was much bleeding, and hopping about, and application of the Batman Band-Aid.

Today is the day of wine and roses. Or at least wine and sushi that the Father will be bringing home with him after work. Because the Mother has pretty much had it with all of you people.

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